The death of a child is particularly difficult for families and friends alike.

It is an extreme situation in which all parents realise the vulnerability of their children and may be the cause of behaviour changes from siblings and friends who may be confused by the feelings of grief.

Grandparents too feel the injustice at the loss of a young life and feel more keenly their own mortality.

The grieving process is unique to each person and is a response to the death of a loved one.

It is important to realise that times will be difficult and encouragement to share feelings and express thoughts is most helpful.

Children should be allowed to talk about their grief with adults; and adults should share their grief with children.

Working with grief takes time and sometimes initial efforts are rejected. Don't feel uncomfortable, try to encourage and support them in their grief.

Frequently Asked Questions

Before the funeral:

How much time can parents spend with their baby?

• Families are encouraged to spend as much time as they would like and to have as much to do with the preparation as they are able.
• If family wish to, they can assist with dressing:
  • Powder
  • Nappy or pants
  • Singlet
  • Clothing
  • Socks and/or shoes
• The baby can be taken home so the family can "feel" the baby in the house.

What if the baby needs to be autopsied?

• If an autopsy is required the family may spend time with the baby beforehand.
• After an autopsy parents will be able to spend time with the child as often as they like. This may be at a funeral home, their own home or a place of their choice.
• Where a child has died, possibly of SIDS, he or she may appear pale and waxen with a bluish tinge to the lips.

Can parents take their baby home?

• In cool and moderate climates a child's body may be kept at home in a room without heating for about 36 hours.
• Partial or full preservation may be required for a longer time at home or in warmer weather.
• Funeral homes can assist with prolonged viewing periods by keeping the child in their mortuary.

What kind of arrangement can be done?

• A family member or friend may like to conduct the service at a special place or location.
• Viewing in a bassinet or own cot if preferred.
• Interment at or ashes placed in a children's memorial garden at a cemetery (unless interment in a grave is possible with a member of the family previously deceased).
• Many people like to have a casket in a favourite colour or have other sibling/s paint or draw pictures on a plain one. (Most prefer white caskets).
• Family Keepsakes
  • Hand or foot prints
  • Lock of hair (if possible)
  • Hospital bracelet
• Older siblings may like to put a drawing or a letter in the casket with the baby.
• Parents may like to line the casket with baby's blanket or a lambs wool rug.
• Some families like to release butterflies or involve other children to read, sing a song or play an instrument at the funeral .
• Candles and incense may be used to create an uplifting atmosphere.
• Photos may be used in the service booklet or on a board.
• Many people like to the clothing that baby may have worn or possessions because of the baby's lingering smell.
• The family may carry the casket into the church or chapel.
• Play special music and/or tape the service.
• Personal tributes may be laid in or on a casket e.g. toys, favourite teddy, jewellery, flowers such as rose petals.
• The family may wish to hold the casket in their arms in the car going to the service.
• Funeral flowers can be pressed and framed.

How long before a child has to be buried or cremated?

• It is not necessary to rush a baby's funeral, but it depends on the age of the baby and the circumstances in which they died.
• Most funerals/cremations are conducted within a week.

What about embalming?

• Embalming is only possible depending on the size of the baby (e.g. because of vein size) and is done by a private embalmer usually attached to a Funeral Director.
• Private hospitals usually direct the family to a funeral director.
• Hospitals such as King Edward Memorial Hospital will take care of a cremation if parent(s) so wish and do not feel they can cope with a funeral etc.

Can a child be buried anywhere?

• If the child is being buried it must take place in an public burial ground/cemetery.
• Whilst it is possible to carry the child in the car to the funeral home, most cemetery regulations state that the body must be placed in a closed casket before entering the grounds.

What about the ashes?

• Ashes may be placed in an urn and taken home or buried in a family plot, in a memorial garden or just scattered in a favourite place.
• Please do not place an ashes urn in a public location. It is not allowed under WA law.

What happens after the funeral?

• If it has been arranged at the funeral interview, the Funeral Director will post to you a Certified Copy of the Death Registration (commonly called the Death Certificate) and will collect the ashes (in an urn) if the ashes are to be placed somewhere other than at the cemetery where the cremation was held. The Funeral Director will contact you when the ashes are available and you can collect them from the Funeral Home at a mutually convenient time.
• Families may choose a headstone for the grave (if burial).
• A Funeral Director can put parents, family and friends in touch with resources and counselling. Please ask.